Forward

I wrote the following paragraphs in 1998 after having spent a fourteen month period of almost non-stop writing, July 1997 to September 1998. Initially, the writings were my way of coming to terms with the illness and eventual death of my closest and oldest friend, Don Gerig. Some of the earlier pieces were completed prior to his death; others would take over a year before they emerged from my consciousness and on to paper. Indeed the earlier written work chronicles my journey through the grief process. Looking back, it amazes me how my written expressions so closely parallel the stages of grieving as I understand them and as I experienced them…from denial, anger, and sadness, to acceptance, these are clearly seen in my written work.

Grief is an individually experienced process. Thus each must find his or her own mechanism for dealing with the loss of a loved one so that we might continue our own lives certainly altered, but not ended. Moving forward in life following the loss of a significant person is not to "get over it", as some well meaning but misinformed sympathizers may admonish. Instead, moving on with life is putting into perspective the loved one and his or her impact upon our life; to recall, to remember, and to refresh our mind’s eye view of that person, the times we shared, the characteristics we cherished, and perhaps those that we did not.

I was determined at the time the initial compositions were written, to achieve that outcome and at the same time, honor my friend, and purposefully and with thoughtfulness say good-bye. I had not achieved these ends with any degree of satisfaction with my parent’s deaths. Thus, while honoring Don that mechanism became one for honoring my parents. This was the original motivating force for the written work. I remain pleased I chose this course, satisfied I accomplished the ends sought, and surprised at the extended outcomes.

When I wrote the dedication and prologue paragraphs in November/December 1997 (revised in Feb. 1998), I had intended to print the then small collection of written works and give copies to relatives and friends. However, for a variety of reasons that never came about. I have done some limited editing for both the prolouge and dedication sections to correct errors and grammar, but the paragraphs remain essentially as written in that earlier period.

Finally, let me say here that after having let the following dedication and prologue remarks remain static for some six years or more, I none-the-less continued to write and authored a number of additional pieces which addressed topics other than death and dying. I have also written six short stories of which I am quite proud. So the collection of compositions you will be reading are, in part, my journey through the grief process and importantly the outcome expressions of that process.

Dedication

These are poems and other compositions I have authored over the past two years, the majority in the past year. While I do not claim any particular skill at writing, I do know that each and every poem or special composition originated from profound soul searching and sometimes painful emotions at the time the piece was written. A number of these compositions were generated as a result of significant events occurring in my life space. Some of you shared with me those traumatic times. The most disturbing to me of these was the loss of my oldest and best friend of over forty years, Don Gerig. He passed away on December 12, 1997 following a six-month illness with bone cancer. In identifying his death as one creating a great deal of distress, I am not minimizing the deaths of my parents occurring seventeen years (father) and three years (mother) prior to Don's. The death of a friend, a soul brother is and was for me, a particularly difficult loss and especially when it comes unexpectedly and at an early age. It was this tragic event which eventually generated the writings for this collection. While a number of the compositions were written during the time of Don's illness, July 1997 through December 12, 1997, there is a significant number of others which followed his passing. The existence of these later works are directly linked to the former. Absent my need for those initially written, then, the latter compositions would not have been written. Those written for and about Don begin this collection.

Prologue

I have indeed been on an incredible journey these past fourteen months, from July 1997 through the present, September 1998 and continuing on, thus, the title of this collected works. A friend was ill and then was gone, much to soon did our travel through life come to an end. Then another not as close, but still valuable as a person and a friend, his life also closed at too early of an age, brought down by an assassin's gun. Along with these interpersonal losses, I suffered a hearing impairment from a perforated ear drum which required a repeat surgical procedure done thirty years earlier. Struggling to put the pieces together, I became a victim of my own sadness and loss of direction. Adding to my personal distress, I carelessly surrounded myself with others who did not share my fundamental beliefs  Others who I had counted on abandoned me at the times most needed. Who is to blame? None other than me. But then, others stepped in to help carry me on. New bonds were formed, alliances stronger, these made from genuine care not encumbered with selfish concerns. The struggles, pain, loses, the highs and the lows, the anguish and anger, the sometimes joys and soaring thoughts all became woven like loose fabric into a gigantic like magical carpet flying me to places I had not gone, or on journeys I had not traveled for sometime. This was the result of writing, of introspection, of listening, to the inner self.

Along these paths traveled now on, I have found grandness and wonder, pleasure and sadness. I have captured the obscure, the unnoticed and sometimes hidden; have brought into light the clear and the lucid; and from my personal past or present I have reprised, recalled and refreshed those things which comprise the human condition as I conceptualize them; and I have sought to renew and regenerate the notions and thoughts laid buried in the recesses of the mind. These I have done for personal gain, to sort through the complexity of my own thought processes, bring order out of confusion and chaos, find resolution again to those concepts and principles I thought long ago finalized in my understanding of the scheme of things. And yet, despite the disappointments, the struggles incurred along this incredible journey not yet done, I know I am a better person from having climbed upon this carpet. While the carpet has not yet taken me to the finished end, along the ways I have discovered the pleasure of writing, composing for others to examine thoughts I need to express, word pictures I must paint, and celebrations with others to share. Yes, I must say... this has been a most incredible journey to have traveled on! And to those who have helped me along, I will say, "I love you all." Those who have mattered are noted by name or role within the content of the compositions, I honor them one and all for giving me this most incredible journey to travel on.

I have no idea where this newfound skill will eventually lead. Many have suggested that I publish my work. For now I have not pursued that idea for several reasons. One, I am not sure that any are indeed demonstrative of the quality needed for publication; and secondly, I must wait to see if this capacity for written expression of such personal thoughts and feeling continues with me. But if what I write can bring a moment of thoughtful pause, touch a feeling, bring a smile, a tear of rejoicing or of sadness too, or call into consciousness a moment laid buried in the soul, then that is all the reward I am due for now. I hope you will enjoy this collection.

T. Condon, Feb. 1998 (rev.9/2/98)

Content Description

Since beginning to write the compositions you will be reading I have revised this foreword and reorganized the contents several times. I am not sure the one I am now writing will indeed be the final. It perhaps will not. Initially I thought the poems and other material addressing Don's and my relationship would be the whole of my effort.

However, as time passed I found myself writing a great deal more and about a variety of topics or issues. As the numbers of works increased and I begin to review what I had written, including those which I continue to add each month, it became obvious to me that the various pieces were clearly falling into distinct groupings by content thread. The most fascinating for me are those I have chosen to call "poetic short stories" whether such really exists in the real literary world or not I have no idea. These short stories are in the content grouping Now, Billy Boy. I invite the reader to join with me in a celebration of his life. With each finished composition the central character's life has become more meaningful and his significance to those whose paths he chanced to cross, more grand. He was, in retrospective and reflective thought, my hero.

I have divided the compositions into eight categories. The first, Don and Me, are those pieces written during Don's illness and shortly after his death. The second category, In Fond Recall, contains the compositions written for my family. Special Places Found, the third section, holds those works which were composed for or about friends or relatives of a friend. The next section, the fourth, contains works which are philosophical, To Think Upon. In the fifth section are those pieces that tell a story, describe an event, or were written in response to a wide range of things, it is titled Seriously, Satirically and Sadly. Santa, Hearths and Grog, are written for the holiday seasons, the sixth content area. Writings which touch on love I have placed in the seventh section, Romance all Around. Finally, in the last and eighth section, Now, Billy Boy, appears. For each of the compositions in a specific section I have written introductory comments.

T. Condon, Feb. 1998 (rev.9/2/98